REFLECTIONS ON LIFE AND DEATH CO-EXISTING

LIFE’S REFLECTIONS WHILE SITTING IN THE WOODS NEXT TO A STREAM CALLED CANADA CREEK IN MICHIGAN ON JULY 14^TH 2008

I wrote in my journal these thoughts and reflections. “I sit even in the beautiful remote place yet seemingly having a hard time getting away from human made noise. A saw buzzing, someone working with metal in the background, gunshot for target shooting in the distance, an occasional distant car goes by which breaks the stillness and silence of the noise of the forest and it’s trees whistling in the wind. However, I choose to hear something(s) else. A new noise of trees and leaves blowing in the wind, and a breeze rustling the leaves of the potato trees along the banks.

I see silent grey and white overcast clouds moving gently along the sky, brightness behind the clouds is seen and above them with the sun wishing to shine through. I see and hear silent green of every shade bouncing out excited with energy, light, and life!

The wind spirit comes through this little valley and some foliage is visibly moving and swaying while other brush moves not even a leaf.

I too am moved by the quiet flow of the wind and parts of my energy levels are affected, they are moved within my soul.

Quietness and stillness, movement and sound—coexist. Interesting? Selah!

My leg gets some breeze and moves the hairs around and I feel it, yet my face doesn’t get that same affect. It is still me, but a different level, part of me is affected differently. Two, three, and more areas just of my body feel an affect at the same time; yet various areas of my body feels my affect or awareness. It doesn’t mean that affect is not happening, I am just either not aware of it or don’t feel it.

There is “something happening” even in the stillness, or in the breeze, or in the feeling, or in the unawareness.

There are other things I am aware of. There is a general weakness, fatigue, back soreness, and a backside that is tired from weight pressing on it, yet too there is a ringing in my right ear. Ok, I could go on, but want to move to the spiritual/soulish level where my true self and essence lies.

What do I sense here in the soul? Calm, a peace, rest, contentment, with no urgency or hurry. No threat. I feel and sense energy, not adrenaline. I put my hands out and become aware of my own energy field. I sense and know energy all around me. Not only an energy felt, but an energy from the living things around me; grass, trees, stream, flies, dragon flies, wind, breeze, ground, grass, sand, earth, sky, the ferns, weeds, bugs, insects, yet a snake (two actually), and ripples over the water going by.

There is a stillness, yet an energy and life and its’ power to thrive even in the remote region in Northern Michigan in the wilderness.

I actually see life and energy easier, than in the city bursting with or teaming of activity and “life.”

Enlightenment happens to me here because life continues even in this imperfect place. There are dead and dying things around me too; branches, trees, leaves, parched ground, rotting timbers, erosion along the banks of the “living” stream.

BOTH LIFE AND DEATH CO-EXIST HERE.

Like my body being renewed and rejuvenated by rest and renewal of cells and its’ regeneration, but also aging in my body. Toes discolored, age spots, thinning of hair, wrinkles, grey places, chest pain, irregular heart fibrillation, and a host of other aging and dying cells within me. New life cells, dying cells.

Ok, so how does this or these thoughts connect to the soul? My body can, is, does, demise; while my soul grows, comes alive, develops, evolves, understands, becomes, has newness, is aware of its preciousness, value, and eternal significance even while it is housed in the frame of an ailing and renewing body or shell.

What I know is that Michael J Rumble is alive both in body and soul. Even though my body could just stop and I could drop over dead at any second because of an ailing heart. That is very real, yet there are still new cells even while the heart is damaged. But the soul has no decaying cells or dying parts like my body. My body will one day quit, my soul will go on shedding its’ shell and freedom, life, and light and love and illumination will ever be.

So right now, this very second I am aware of impermanence and permanence; a lasting and a change Co-existing.

Millions of life energy symbols are around me and millions of dying, hurting, wounded symbols surround me! I choose to concentrate on the lasting, conscious self which was made in the image of God’s Likeness, breath, life and which has God’s Divine Spark and Spirit in and around and through and present, and which has saturated every part of my being.

Ok, with this present awareness which I observe this “second in time,” has an eternal or an eternity present in it, an eternal space, a place in between the seconds. Or it is like this, my present presence and awareness with each second has the potential of eternal timeless awareness in that second. I can’t exhaust that second, it is eternal if I choose to live in it with my soul. It is like what Eckhart Tolle says in his book, “The Consciousness of Now, “you get to where you can live in the space between the atoms which has a place between the neurons of those atoms, and yet has an eternal place between the nano neurons and that can’t be exhausted or ended. “ Paraphrased here by MJR.

I say wow that can blow your mind.

Yet when I think of that I think of the teachings of Zen Buddhism and one of their core teachings which says, “not mind knowing,” I don’t let my mind know things, but empty things and be quiet and drop all assumptions so that Mindfulness can emerge from the depths of the soul and thus insight and aha moments happen. You begin to get it!

The soul, the eternal self, the personhood, individual, unique, created and co-creator God likeness, person, with special features all its’ own can actually transcend time and physical limitations and reach and go far beyond what we have been taught in our conventional culture and even religious practices and spirituality.

Then once you get to know (it) your unique self soul, you will like and enjoy your (self) soul! It is really special to get to know your individual self and then have the enriching honor and sacred privilege of getting to know someone else’s Self Soul. Then the question arises that if it takes an eternity to discover and explore your self soul, then in that same eternity of no beginning and no end discover and explore each other’s self soul? That would be cool to really get to know another’s unique self soul! No boredom here even in one realm of another’s being.

Not mind knowing. No thoughts, no right or wrong answers. Nobody is right about anything, hardly ever, but we do have bits and pieces of information and ideas of universal truths. And you know I am not even right about that about that thought either, I don’t think.

So what is all this gibberish? The formation, foundation, building blocks of ideas, knowledge, insights, feelings, wisdom, thoughts, which come from the soul which seeks to ever expand its being aware, awake making a limited frame from which to build new life and service, values, beliefs, loosely held so that a formation of a continuum of seamless evolving and discovery. They Co-Exist!

Renewal and awareness, death and dying of old glimpses of held tightly awareness or thoughts.

Next day: 7-15-2008 Journal continues. That was interesting, the former pages from 7-14-2008 at Doti Trail landing near the stream in northern Michigan. A theme was on my awareness chart for that day of new life in both its’ physical form and dying and aging and deteriorating in both the physical form and the new life and formation of spiritual expanse. It is interesting to sense that some of my old foundation blocks of awareness are replaced as the soul becomes, sees, and knows, with a new clearer and more solid spiritual awareness and consciousness.

So what I do is discard the old thought awareness and consciousness with newer clearer consciousness and use them to integrate into my wholeness and well being. It creates a better coping mechanism for a complete life, well rounded, and healthier me in all facets of my being, body, mind, soul, spirit, emotions, psyche, social community within me and the community at large. It enhances the self-esteem. The outcome?

A better person, servant, with growing courage to face life’s struggles and blessings with integrity, respect, honor, character, faith, hope, and love for all. It makes me a better servant of God, with the recognition that I am not God, just made in the likeness of God and that is pretty cool.

Ok, I will be writing more of my thoughts of dealing with living on the edge and cusp of death and dying not only with dying patients, families, and twenty years experiencing the joy of birthing souls to new life, but also my own dealings with being at the door of death myself on a daily basis. I have become curious about coming out of my body and seeing what that would be like!!